oh and DKM – her food, crochet, knitting and stuff

Job Description for Cats

BATHROOMS – Always accompany guests to the bath room. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit & stare.

DOORS – Do not allow any closed doors… in any room. To get the door opened, stand on hind legs & hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it’s not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half-way in & out & think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS – If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it’s as long as a human’s bare foot.

HAMPERING – If one of your humans is engaged in any activity, and the other is idle, stay with the busy one.. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering. Following are the rules for hampering:

  • When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
  • For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book –unless you can lie across the book itself.
  • When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen, and then lay in human’s lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

WALKING – As often as possible, dart quickly & as close as possible in front of the human… especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark & when they first get up in the morning. This will help their co-ordination skills.

BEDTIME – Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX – When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING – Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you and … do NOT come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out… the humans will cover you with love & kisses, and you probably will get a treat.

ONE LAST THOUGHT – Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, then turn around and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often….. And don’t forget the guests!

Getting comfy

I’m exhausted from my long day at work. I think I need some bambivenison in bed… DKM!

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14 responses

  1. WOW! Glad we are rabbits … much less work. We never knew cats did so much. Ones we have seen are mostly just lying around.

    PS.. Racer has not forgotten the Fridge tag … soon. It’s just that the blog has not had enough bunny stuff lately so that comes first!

    11-July-2008 at 10:51 pm

  2. Don’t forget that with regard to pooping, wait until four minutes after the human has cleaned the box.

    11-July-2008 at 11:04 pm

  3. Pixel wanted me to mention the importance of random meowing and lurking around corners to pounce. Apparently these are crucial elements of the kitty workday.

    11-July-2008 at 11:12 pm

  4. This is soooo funnny – I laughed out loud.

    By the way – you haven’t scretly sent Milo this job description have you? Only he seems to have learnt it by heart already ….. and he’s only 11 weeks old!

    12-July-2008 at 4:06 am

  5. Pingback: BiG cAt diAry! … Visiting the Vet! « A Curious State of Affairs …

  6. That is the perfect job description for cats! We do everyone single one! Our favorite is the “yakking on the carpets”!

    12-July-2008 at 9:01 am

  7. It always helps to have a clear job description!

    12-July-2008 at 9:23 am

  8. No wonder cats seem to sleep so much, they are so busy. OK, so, Dude, we put up our ‘fridge! The camera has been barely working, but I managed to get the pix……..

    12-July-2008 at 10:45 am

  9. PJ

    From my post on “Crazy Aunt Purl”:

    Cats are so helpful. Really. I’m serious. They always know just where to be and what to do. I always feel so grateful when they sit on top of my papers, walk across my computer, stick their heads in my cup of tea, try to eat my food, throw up on the carpet, make a mess of their litter box, throw up on the carpet, run outside and make me chase them, throw up grass on the carpet from when they ran outside, run up catastrophic vet bills, cry incessantly when I’m on the phone, throw up when I’m on the phone so I can’t get to them in time to move them elsewhere, assist in every way that they aren’t even remotely needed, demand to have the bathroom tap turned on and then ignore it, leave cat hair everywhere…in comparison I just feel lost. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. Then again, I’m not in charge here I’m just on staff.

    In comparison, your observations are rational and cogent. I think I’m beyond redemption. I see that now.

    12-July-2008 at 1:14 pm

  10. Excellent list Sophia. It’s great to have all these nuggets of wisdom collected in one place for easy reference.

    12-July-2008 at 3:13 pm

  11. I think it’s a marvelous list of all those things we do. An the unfortunately thing is is that we don’t even get PAID for this.

    12-July-2008 at 4:26 pm

  12. Whew. We are exhausted just from reading our job description. Nap time!

    12-July-2008 at 8:37 pm

  13. This is so funny!

    12-July-2008 at 11:15 pm

  14. You are very funny. Many of those things would get mom really upset with me, so I will pass. My favorite is eating the bread that dad left to close to the edge of the counter.

    Roxy

    13-July-2008 at 8:15 pm

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