oh and DKM – her food, crochet, knitting and stuff

TT – The Tourists Have Landed

13 things I hate about this time of year:

1. Tourist season
2. Tourists who don’t know how to drive
3. Tourists who don’t understand the concept of one-way streets
4. Tourists who don’t understand that when you have a red light, pedestrians go first. We have that little flashy green thing that tells us to walk.
5. Tourists who ask you to take their picture while you are running to the office, talking on the cell, sending emails via the blackberry, carrying your vente non-fat, no water, chai tea latte, a briefcase and your laptop bag.
6. Tourist who ignore those GINORMOUS no left turn signs on Market Street and block traffic there by ensuing the wrath of all the other drivers and inciting massive horn honking battles.
7. Tourist who dive in the carpool, transit only lanes and then get flustered when the cabbies start yelling obscenities at them and the Muni busses push them forward.
8. Tourist who try to pass on the right side of Muni busses. Why yes, your car will get squished and Muni will not stop for you to swap licenses and evaluate damages. They need to drop off their riders and, most important in their day, grab a donut from Happy Donuts before the next run.
9. Tourists who run after the Cable Car. Dudes, they are not stopping for you. Wait for the next one.
10. Tourists who call SF, Frisco… boy that ticks the natives off. Just don’t do it.
11. Tourists who walk about saying how cute everything is. Oh the cable cars are cute, Oh the buildings are so cute, Oh the people on the street in North Beach are cute, Oh the seals are cute, Oh Coit Tower was so cute, Oh the flowers on the streets are so cute, Oh all the public art is so weird… but cute, Oh look at her running with all her crap to the office almost getting killed by a stupid tourist in a car… she’s so cute.
12. Tourists that tell you the best meal they’ve ever eaten in their life was at the Bubba Gump on Fisherman’s Wharf. Seriously? People, you need to get out more. I’d additionally advise to never, never, NEVER say this in front of one of the several award winning chefs in the area.
13. Tourist who walk around Chinatown in disgust by all the open air markets, live poultry in cages, freshly killed chickens hanging by their feet in store windows, tubs of fresh fish swimming about, people speaking in Chinese, the smell, the dirt, the laundry hanging from the windows and muttering to each other about speaking in English only – this is America after all. People – This is where they live… not you. If you want everyone to be like you, don’t travel.

The bonus perk of tourist season – being asked, in language, if I speak Spanish, Italian, French, Portuguese, Greek, Arabic, Croatian, Armenian, Hungarian, and so forth… I must have the most generic Mediterranean looking face possible.

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24 responses

  1. Ah yes, we can appreciate the joys of tourist season here in SF as well. Of course it’s easy to pick them out in T-shirts and shorts on foggy days that top 60F ;)

    10-July-2008 at 1:05 am

  2. A fun post with a real message – I for one will be be sure never to use the F word next time I’m in SF, or say anything is “cute” – the rest of the atrocities I’m not guilty of! ;-)

    I live in a tourist town too – but of course much smaller! Only 20,000 population – but it more than doubles in the tourist season. So from mid-July until September in particular – the roads are chaotic, the town swarming etc. We need the tourist industry to provide work for the locals though – so we grin and bare it. Sidmouth used o be a small fishing town once upon a time – alas now, it’s tourists or poverty.

    10-July-2008 at 2:14 am

  3. I be in SF in 18 days, so I’ve committed all of these to memory. Thx :)

    10-July-2008 at 8:17 am

  4. I be? Have I lost the powers of grammar? I’ll be in SF in 18 days…

    10-July-2008 at 8:18 am

  5. Monty

    MomBean is off her rocker…she wants a bun. Please talk her out of it.

    10-July-2008 at 8:36 am

  6. Our sympathies, we live in a tourist town, though smaller. It is mostly the beach tourists to which we take offense, clogging our streets, being very noisy and uncouth and such. Actually they never seem to make in all the way to the beach they just sit in their cars in traffic jams on the way to the beach. It is refreshing, to me, to hear a foreign language in the store or down town, that is the upside……No one has tried to take my picture.

    10-July-2008 at 8:42 am

  7. We get LOTS of tourists here in D.C. Mommy especially doesn’t like the “escalumps”….the people who park themselves on the left side of the esclators and don’t more. The right side is for non movers and the left side is for people who want to climb up. ARGH!!! Oh…and all the baby strollers….everywhere. Does NO ONE carry their babies anymore???

    10-July-2008 at 8:58 am

  8. Meowmy grew up in Maine. She gets the tourist crap. She won’t go into Old City in Philly if she can help it. Tourists are ridiculous. Most drivers are really.

    10-July-2008 at 10:35 am

  9. In Portland the big faux paw was when people said Or-E-GAWN However, our relatives kept getting angry with us for correcting them. So we let them say it to a local… We are not nice.

    We live far enough outside of Seattle that we don’t get much tourist activity here. I have to ask though–if they don’t like China Town, what do they think of China?!

    10-July-2008 at 11:03 am

  10. Excellent rules for travelers to follow. When in Rome (or any city), do as the natives do.

    10-July-2008 at 11:24 am

  11. We get different sorts of tourists in south Florida, but you can always tell tourist season!

    10-July-2008 at 11:36 am

  12. Gee, last time Mom wented to dat cute city, Frisco, she ran for the cute cable car so she could eat at Bubba Gumps an see the cute sea lions. Then she gagged in China Town an asked a professional young lady to take her pictor in Italian. – NOT.

    Being from El Lay, Mom knows how to a) drive, b) park on a hill, c) speak English, d) enjoy a great meal in China Town wifout offendin her hosts, e) wait fur a cable car, f) make 3 rights to go left, and g) READ A MAP.

    Next week, my beans is gonna be in El Lay an Anaheim, an they’s only half-way tourists cuz 22 years there is more than 16 years here. Right?

    10-July-2008 at 12:03 pm

  13. PS ask Madisonians bout move-in weekend!

    10-July-2008 at 12:12 pm

  14. Nobody ever really wants to vacation in Detroit, so we don’t have these problems. But if we did, there would probably be more gunshots fired. heh

    10-July-2008 at 1:00 pm

  15. thanks for the tips so when i get up there this weekend i’ll try to avoid all those things!! LOL

    actually i’m only making it as far as santa clara!

    10-July-2008 at 1:54 pm

  16. From one San Franciscan to another:

    Word.

    10-July-2008 at 3:29 pm

  17. Wow! If we ever go to San Francisco, we promise not to do any of those things. Bunnies and puggies are cute, not flowers and people chasing cable cars.
    We do agree with you on almost all counts. So, maybe we are just misplaced San Franciscans.

    Roxy & Lucky

    ps the boysenberries are starting to turn. And most of the raspberries are as big or bigger than mom’s thumb.

    10-July-2008 at 8:56 pm

  18. well said DKM!

    10-July-2008 at 9:13 pm

  19. Hehehehe! Mommakitty remembers some of these annoying tourists in Sausalito when she lived there! It wuz annoying fer da tourists to come over from SF to Sausalito and think they wuz still in SF! DA tourists would be so dazed from lookin’ at everything in da sky, bay, etc they would trip off da sidewalks and da fire dept would have to come attend to their twisted ankles! They actually will spend $15 for a bowl of mediocre clam chowder!

    And, FRISCO?! Uggggg!

    P.S. – But Mommakitty did make a lot of green papers selling art to tourists near the ferry terminal in Sausalito! Badda-bing!

    10-July-2008 at 9:41 pm

  20. My pet human says: thank you for the trip down memory lane.

    Luv,
    Skittles, The Huntress

    p.s. I think Star Trek 4 epitomizes the whole tourist in SF thing.

    I just wish I could come visit and catch up on the latest restaurants. Is Tadich still theeee place for cioppino? How about a Bloody Mary at Sam’s in Tiburon? Or did I just date myself????? Ha!

    11-July-2008 at 12:41 am

  21. My lovely Simba and Persia had to move away. This has been one of the most sad times in my life. They both went to very wonderful owners that I know; but still it has been very hard on us to have to give them up!

    If you want to see pictures and videos of them go to: http://catcast.podomatic.com

    Please throw up a prayer or two for us as well.

    Simba and Persia’s Human

    11-July-2008 at 10:24 am

  22. fivecats

    Only thirteen? :)

    11-July-2008 at 3:33 pm

  23. Kate, Izzy & Elias

    It is also good to try to run up the escalators the wrong way, laugh and then ignore the person who is telling you to stop because it is unsafe or feign that you don’t understand English.

    14-July-2008 at 12:40 am

  24. Heh ~ as a fellow Detroiter, I love Earl Grey’s comment!

    24-July-2008 at 11:54 am

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